And so the saying goes, "it is better to have loved then to never have loved at all."
He is 19 years old, recently heartbroken, but still very much in love. Here is the kicker, his ex-girlfriend was my best friend and 'he' is my younger brother. Let me explain...
Since the first day of 8th grade, A and I have been joint at the hip. We stood by each other all through high school and maintained a close relationship while I was 10,000 miles away in Israel for one year. When I came back home, we went out clubbing together, had sushi dates, etc. We were always there for each other.
Traveling back in time again, for my 15th birthday my parents took me to Mexico. It was my family and A. It was fun! The weather was beautiful and there is nothing like making memories with a friend, especially when you are abroad!
The day my family and I came home, my brother (the one who is currently 19 was 13) told me that he had a secret and I couldn't tell anyone. The secret was that A and he had kissed. They waited until I was asleep and hooked up behind my back.
Fine. I let it go. Fast forward to a year ago. I have been home for a few months and A and I are back to our nights out and sleepovers. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and she wasn't next to me. Early the next morning, she comes walking back into my bed in my brothers t-shirt.
She had slept with my brother. Next thing I know I...
am browsing my Facebook and my news feed refreshes. It says the following: Eric is now in a relationship with A.
So in case you are confused, here is what happened. They kissed. They &^@%$#. They dated. All behind my back. I still stood by both of them. One, he is my flesh and blood and I will love my brother unconditionally. Two, she's my everything. It wasn't about my best friend dating my brother, I just wanted to be included.
Things weren't the same and still aren't. For better or for worse. Eric has become vulnerable and softer. He loves love and checks in with me every week or so just to say hi. That's different, but I love it. A and I have had a few hang-out sessions but the chit-chat was table-talk. We spoke about school, shoes and dipped our pinky toes into the relationships we are in. But honestly, there is only so much I want to hear about my brother intimately.
It was hard. But what hurt me the most was the secrecy. I am not one to get in the way of people liking each other. That's absurd. If the two of them were honest with me, I would have been on board the whole way. For my brother to date a friend of mine could have been fun. Regardless, I showed up for them. Or I'd like to think I did.
January 1, 2011 they broke up. How did I find out? My dad-- not her and not him. Still, I called them both. Eric was sweet and sad. He appreciated the call and has reached out to me since then. Two weeks later, and still not a word from A.
So now to the point of this blog. It is better to have loved then to never have loved at all. For Eric to have been in love is a gift. For me to have had an 8 year-long friendship is also a gift. I would rather have had to go through the many obstacles to learn important lessons on communication, honesty and brevity than never have the experience.
Eric-- I love you. I tell you every time I speak with you and I will never stop. You are my little brother and yet you are growing up very fast. Sometimes I fear that you feel that you have to live in my shadow. I don't know what that feels like for you, but for most of my life I have lived in yours. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. You are bright and smart, creative and innovative, creative and artistic. You have taught me to persevere when times are hard and to love myself and who I am even if others don't.
A-- I love you, too. You know me better then most people in this world. You know how to approach me and how to peel the layers away without overstepping any boundaries. I want you to know that I miss you and that I wish you the best of luck with your last semester of undergrad. I wish you success and happiness--for yourself-- not for your family.
...Better to love...
He is 19 years old, recently heartbroken, but still very much in love. Here is the kicker, his ex-girlfriend was my best friend and 'he' is my younger brother. Let me explain...
Since the first day of 8th grade, A and I have been joint at the hip. We stood by each other all through high school and maintained a close relationship while I was 10,000 miles away in Israel for one year. When I came back home, we went out clubbing together, had sushi dates, etc. We were always there for each other.
Traveling back in time again, for my 15th birthday my parents took me to Mexico. It was my family and A. It was fun! The weather was beautiful and there is nothing like making memories with a friend, especially when you are abroad!
The day my family and I came home, my brother (the one who is currently 19 was 13) told me that he had a secret and I couldn't tell anyone. The secret was that A and he had kissed. They waited until I was asleep and hooked up behind my back.
Fine. I let it go. Fast forward to a year ago. I have been home for a few months and A and I are back to our nights out and sleepovers. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and she wasn't next to me. Early the next morning, she comes walking back into my bed in my brothers t-shirt.
She had slept with my brother. Next thing I know I...
am browsing my Facebook and my news feed refreshes. It says the following: Eric is now in a relationship with A.
So in case you are confused, here is what happened. They kissed. They &^@%$#. They dated. All behind my back. I still stood by both of them. One, he is my flesh and blood and I will love my brother unconditionally. Two, she's my everything. It wasn't about my best friend dating my brother, I just wanted to be included.
Things weren't the same and still aren't. For better or for worse. Eric has become vulnerable and softer. He loves love and checks in with me every week or so just to say hi. That's different, but I love it. A and I have had a few hang-out sessions but the chit-chat was table-talk. We spoke about school, shoes and dipped our pinky toes into the relationships we are in. But honestly, there is only so much I want to hear about my brother intimately.
It was hard. But what hurt me the most was the secrecy. I am not one to get in the way of people liking each other. That's absurd. If the two of them were honest with me, I would have been on board the whole way. For my brother to date a friend of mine could have been fun. Regardless, I showed up for them. Or I'd like to think I did.
January 1, 2011 they broke up. How did I find out? My dad-- not her and not him. Still, I called them both. Eric was sweet and sad. He appreciated the call and has reached out to me since then. Two weeks later, and still not a word from A.
So now to the point of this blog. It is better to have loved then to never have loved at all. For Eric to have been in love is a gift. For me to have had an 8 year-long friendship is also a gift. I would rather have had to go through the many obstacles to learn important lessons on communication, honesty and brevity than never have the experience.
Eric-- I love you. I tell you every time I speak with you and I will never stop. You are my little brother and yet you are growing up very fast. Sometimes I fear that you feel that you have to live in my shadow. I don't know what that feels like for you, but for most of my life I have lived in yours. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. You are bright and smart, creative and innovative, creative and artistic. You have taught me to persevere when times are hard and to love myself and who I am even if others don't.
A-- I love you, too. You know me better then most people in this world. You know how to approach me and how to peel the layers away without overstepping any boundaries. I want you to know that I miss you and that I wish you the best of luck with your last semester of undergrad. I wish you success and happiness--for yourself-- not for your family.
...Better to love...
One of my great friends left this message for me to share...
ReplyDeleteso I just wanted to let you know that read your latest blog post and I really admire you for putting it all out there like that and talking about that situation. That showed courage and strength and its one of the many things that I admire about you.
Just thought I'd share that with you!
Miss and love you!
xoxox
Bex